10 Questions to Ask Each Other Before Getting Married!

Found this on the internet....and found it definitely worth sharing.....

 

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When you start thinking that he/she may be the one, make sure you ask these ten questions before you tie the knot.

#1: Do We Care about Each Other as Good Friends Do?

When you're getting serious about someone, don't ask: "Are we in love?" The question to first ask instead is: "Are we becoming good friends?"
"Being in love" often means infatuation, romance, and high chemistry – things that are essentially selfish. This type of "love" is not a good reason to get married, but friendship is. Friendship is not selfish. Real love is about giving to and caring about another person's life. As Shaya Ostrov says in his book, The Inner Circle,"I'm watching you, hearing you, paying attention to you. I've put it all together and have arrived at the conclusion that you and your life mean something to me." That's why the essence of real love is friendship
In a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride and groom are given seven blessings. Not once but twice, we bless the couple that they should become "beloved friends." Make sure you're friends first and then lovers. A lover who is not your friend can easily hurt you. A friend who is your lover will never hurt you. And if they do, they will make every effort to repair the hurt, just like you do with your best friends. Friends care about each others' happiness and well-being.

#2: Are We Emotionally Honest and Vulnerable with Each Other?

Two people who cannot be emotionally open with each other can never have true intimacy and love. When we share our feelings with another we connect and feel close to that person.
We tend to be afraid to share what we feel because expressing it makes us vulnerable; it's dangerous. With the person you're considering marrying you must be sure you feel safe.
How do you know if the two of you are emotionally open and honest? The next time you have a conversation with your partner, ask him or her, "What do you feel about me right now?" or, "How does what I just said make you feel?" If you can communicate like this with each other consistently, you have the potential for building an intimate relationship.

#3: Do We Consistently Reach Win/Win Resolutions To Our Problems?

To get married, you must be sure you have great communication. The reason is that marriage is nothing but problems! I know this doesn't sound very romantic, but it's very realistic. Couples often mistake good chemistry for good communication. Just because you can talk for hours on the phone and feel very connected, doesn't mean you have good communication. The only way you know if you have good communication is when you have problems. When there is a disagreement of any kind, small or large, this is when you find out how good or how bad your communication is. The essence of good communication is that you can consistently reach win-win solutions to your problems and disagreements. This means when you are finished talking, both of you feel good about the solution. There are no bad feelings on either side.
Problems that don't get fully resolved turn into resentments. And when resentments build, love departs. The problem is not the problem. The communication about the problem is the problem.

#4: Do We Take Care of Each Other's Needs?

One of the most important principles of marriage is: If it's important to you, it's important to me. Taking care of each other's needs is about wanting to give each other pleasure. Being a giver is probably the most important character trait to have for getting married. People are naturally takers. It takes a great deal of effort to become a genuine giver. Giving in order to get something back is being a taker.
An important question to ask yourself is, "Do I enjoy giving to this person or do I find it burdensome?" Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, suggests that each of us has a dominant love language or emotional need that makes us feel loved when another "speaks" that language to us. They are: gifts, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and physical touch. What is your partner's love language? Do you enjoy taking care of this need? Giving builds love. Taking destroys it.

#5: Do We Admire And Respect Each Other?

We need to respect and admire the person we marry. We respect a person's good character, meaningful aspirations and goals he/she is committed to, and the good deeds he/she has done, not the way he/she looks.
How do you talk to each other? If you truly respect someone, you talk to that person with respect and dignity. Do you criticize or put each other down? Are you patient or impatient with each other? Do you make jokes about the other person in front of others and then try to cover it by saying, "I was only joking"?
One of the biggest ways that couples demonstrate a lack of respect for each other is by playing games. Playing games is immature and childish. Mature people who respect each other don't play games. They are consistently up front, open, and honest.

#6: For the Man: Are You Ready to Take Responsibility for a Wife and Family?

When my three sons told me they wanted to get married, the first question I asked each of them was, "Are you ready to take on the responsibility of taking care of a wife and family?" If you're not ready to be fully responsible, you're not ready to get married. For a man marriage isn't about getting his needs met. It's about taking on responsibility and being a giver. Judaism understands that the essence of being a man is to give and provide. Boys are takers; men are givers. Are you ready to be a man?
The strongest need of a woman is to be cherished. The three A's of cherishing a woman are: Attention, Affection, and Appreciation. Neglect destroys a woman's spirit. Making your wife feel loved and cherished is not just a nice idea; it's a Torah obligation.

#7: For the Woman: Do You Believe in Him?

Your man needs your respect and support. He needs you to believe in him. Men today are under so much pressure and so many demands are being made of them. The one place he doesn't need to feel more pressure is at home. He needs you to believe that he is trying hard to provide for you and the needs of the family. The cruelest thing a wife can do is nag her husband. If he's a good man and he's trying hard, give him your love, not your list of demands. So before you commit your life to him, make sure you don't have any hidden agenda or unexpressed expectations. Be up front. And if you decide to be his wife, then be his friend as well. Don't turn on him.

#8: Do I Trust This Person Completely?

The emotional foundation of love is trust. Without complete trust, you can't build love. (I highly recommend Dr.John Gottman's new book, The Science of Trust.) The essential issue of trust is captured in the question, "Are you there for me?" A solid marriage is built on solid trust. Can I trust that you will provide a safe home for my feelings and needs? Can I be sure I can be vulnerable with you? Am I afraid you will abandon, reject, or shame me?
A key way to build trust is by respecting and validating another person's feelings. Listening to another person's feelings is one of the greatest acts of kindness we can perform. If you don't trust each other with your feelings, think twice about getting married.

#9: Do We Want the Same Things Out of Life?

One of two things happens in a marriage: People either grow together or grow apart. Spiritual compatibility is one of the best ways to insure you'll grow together. This means you are on the same page in terms of your values, priorities, and life goals. Rabbi Noah Weinberg, of blessed memory, would often teach that life's most important question is "What am I living for?" He maintained that until you can answer this question, you have no business getting married. A soul mate is a goal mate. Marriage is risky. Two people who don't know what they're living for may have a difficult time growing together and staying together over the long run.

#10: Do I Have Peace of Mind About This Decision?

To have peace of mind you have to identify and resolve the things that bother you about getting married or about marrying this person. To identify everything that bothers you, you must be ruthlessly honest with yourself and listen to your feelings. If you don't have peace of mind about marrying this person, track down the reason. If you are diligent, you'll discover the reason why you are dragging your feet. And if you can't track it down through your own efforts, see a competent therapist to help you.

Likely soft-spots for 2012 :P

Guess what! I'm going through a preference change phase :D I can't help but notice the sudden and weird change of my personal likings...I mean, these are things that were always there but I hardly gave them a second thought. And all of a sudden, I find that I just can't seem to get over them! LOL Tried to mentally populate a list and I found it to be such a potpourri that I decided that I have to share with y'all! :P :D

 

Rainbows

 

 

I've never really given a second thought to rainbows. Okay they're there. So what about it. But lately,I've been attracted to anything with the VIBGYOR in it....be it a fantasy pic of the road to heaven or even a little earring! For me, a rainbow represents anything happy :) And I find myself smiling everytime I see a rainbow. Just a reflection of my state of mind,I reckon :) This is just another one of God's genius! The way the colours merge into each other is just so....so magical! There is no other word to describe it! :)

 

Ali Zafar

 

 

Ah.....Ali Zafar. My sis is nuts about him since years. He just caught my eye this year...in the movie 'London Paris New York'. I loved him in his second avatar...the one in Paris.He looked deliciously handsome! ;-) Okay,he does act well too. Ahem! Here's hoping he stays on for a long innings in Bollywood! :)

 

French beard / Goatee / Van Dyck

 

   

 

From Sachin Tendulkar and Salman Khan to Brad Pitt and Will Smith, all the hunks have had it at some point of time. I just discovered that French beards can be extremely attractive. Wonder why I never took notice till now. I guess it's all thanks to Ali Zafar's look in LPNY again ;-) he he! Men who adopt this style are oft described as metrosexual individuals (Def. of metrosexual: The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis — because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference ~ Simpson...as quoted in Wikipedia)...but I don't care what they say. I totally love it.Period.

 

Lip gloss

 

 

My mom and sis have been fans of gloss for years. I never gave it a second thought. It was just simple plain old-fashioned lip-stick all the way. Tried it on once just for the heck of it and I was surprised by the way people couldn't take their eyes off my lips while talking to me ;-) he he! It's extremely sexy and adds oodles of glamour to the usual drab office make-up. A perfect add-on for an evening party too. I've been busy acquiring glosses in almost all hues of red. When in confusion,go for your favorite shade of lip-stick and top it with plain colourless gloss. There! You're ready to Rock 'n' Roll,baby! There's one available with M.A.C. called Lip Glass....oh yes!Your lips look like glass alright! ;-) My suggestion: They're kinda pricey. So go in for the clear version. Can be used on nude lips as well as on lipstick as a glamour add-on.

 

Disclaimer: Be prepared for some serious admiring looks from several quarters! ;-)

 

Peep-toe shoes

 

 

One word for these would be 'classy'. Yup! These vintage model shoes date as far back as the 1930s.....and it's amazing that they still rock! Available in many variants, they're your best accessory for that special date ;-) But make sure that you have your toenails well manicured and painted in cute colours...coz toes seem to scream out 'look at us' when these shoes are worn ;-) I got a pair for myself the other day and boy! are they beautiful or what! :D Christian Louboutin makes some of the most fantastic peep-toe shoes ever. But most of us will have to sell one of our kidneys to buy ourselves a pair. LOL :D Yes,they cost a fortune! But thank you China and Thailand for making almost exact replicas of CL's famous models.....you have made our lives so much better! :P

 

Saxophone music & Kenny G

 

I've always liked smooth Jazz. Sax music was a recent discovery. Less than a year,actually. That's when I realised that the Jazz stuff I actually preferred was all Kenny G! His music is an instant mood elevator. There have been times when my mind was turbulent and troubled and I wouldn't even feel like talking to anyone. It's amazing how his music soothed my senses. All I had to do was close my eyes and listen to his music....it would just seep through my ears right into the very depths of my soul. Amazing! I have tried listening to other sax players too but nothing compares to Kenny G. He's the best by far! :)

 

Silver / Platinum / White Gold

Indians are the world's biggest hoarders of gold...so they say. And the recently seen trend of gold prices ascending rather indecently are enough to give any prospective father of the bride a cardiac arrest of sorts! :D Hence, silver! I have liked silver since years. But it is only recently that I realised it's true potential....and that it looks rather pretty as jewellery. And white is always prettier than yellow ;-)

 

White gold and Platinum are also...well...welcome :P

 

Dodge Charger

 

 

 

Talk of power...talk of muscle...talk of sheer adrenaline...that's Dodge Charger for you! Man! What a car! If I hadn't gotten myself a Honda Jazz (i love my babe!bless her!), I'd have surely gone for this hunk :P The black,red and maroon coloured ones look the best. And I ogle at them shamelessly everytime I see one of them zipping by on the roads. Love. Love. :D

 

Selena Gomez

 

 

Yes, she's dating Justin Beiber. So what??? That's her personal life. And she's free to do whatever she wants to do with it! I like this kid and I like the music she makes and her sense of style (at least one teenage celebrity who dresses her age!) and of course her acting and singing too. Two of her songs are regulars on my mobile playlist: "Love You Like A Love Song" and "Hit The Lights". Watched one of the movies she acted in..."Monte Carlo". She'd done a good job there as well. The girl is talented no doubt. It's sad that people talk ONLY about Justin Beiber when her name comes up. C'mon guys! Give her some credit for what SHE is....not who she's with! Duh!

A visual and emotional joy-ride

Sooo.....it's been a while,eh? I know.....lazy me had resurfaced for a while. Plus I'd been (honestly!) busy with work too! But I missed my natter myself....can't even imagine how it would have been for you guys! :D Okay,it helps being a bit presumptuous at times ;-) :P

 

It's not often that I get to see two movies back-to-back...but I did see two fantastic movies over the weekend...Sujoy Ghosh's 'Kahaani' and Anu Menon's 'London,Paris,New York'. One was an intense edge-of-the-seat thriller while the other was one of the cutest films I'd seen lately.

 

 

I don't want to go into yet another dissection of the movies' plots as a whole...it's already been done many MANY times on the umpteen review sites on the WWW. I just wanted to write about the things that made me like these movies so much.

 

Kahaani

 

Reason #1 would obviously be amaar 'Bidya Benkatesan Bagchi' :D a.k.a. Vidya Balan. She has done a wonderful job and I loved her in every frame...even while she had unkempt hair and a preggy-belly! Loved her dressing style in the movie the most. Usually women end up dressing nonsensically while they are in the family way. But her dressing is a real inspiration...in fact,it's a basketful of ideas for...umm...'future use' :P ;-) he he!

 

Reason #2 is the Bong Connection. I have always liked Bengali stuff....whether it's the delicious sweets, or the trademark red and white saree worn in their special way, or the way they twist names in a rather sassy way to make them 100% Bengali, or the feverish Durga Puja celebrations, or even the men :P (read Parambrata Chatterjee, Rahul Bose, Sabyasachi Mukherjee)...

 

Reason #3 was the way the movie ended. Man! What a climax! For probably the first time in my life, I felt good being made a jackass! :D

 

I'd recommend this one for all those dimwits out there who swear that Indian cinema is all about running around trees! We are much more than just that!

 

My rating : 4.5/5

 

London, Paris, New York

 

 

Okay so I can't really think of anything 'uncute' about this movie. Maybe Aditi's acting could have been a bit better. But she was good. Ali Zafar stole the show all the way. Loved the way he describes Aditi as a 'Maha Tam Brahm' :D he he! And of course, who'd forget his continuous teasing by calling her 'Lalithapedia'? This movie may not be 100% realistic but then it does make you smile. I guess that's what 'entertainment' is all about. :)

 

Most youngsters go through similar mental stages...young love, passion and finally finding their soul mate. The acting and dialogues are pretty natural too...in normal urban lingo of the times. The music is fresh...and my favourite is the church song...'Woh Dekhne Mein...'

See the video here --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcY2PsgPMyQ

 

One of the biggest plus-points of the movie is that they have not tried to portray the perfect man and woman...nobody is perfect and we all have a side of us that we are not willing to declare in the open. LPNY's Nikhil and Lalitha are also likewise. They too make mistakes and end up doing things they regret. They feel emotions that are natural...attraction,betrayal,heart-break,regret,repentance...why they even use 'unparliamentary words' at each other when the need arose. Of course even I wouldn't stick to genteel dignity when I have been wronged! These things make it easier to connect to the idea the makers of the movie have tried to put across. I am so not surprised that this was declared a super-hit. Here's hoping this is just one of the many feathers that will ruffle Ali Zafar's cap!

 

My rating : 4/5

Deadly discounts! o_O

Admit it...we're all suckers for that bright red colored sign that says 'SALE'. And if they're giving heavy discounts with it, we're like almost beside ourselves with glee! Most girls would rush to their favorite stores during end of season sales and return with bags full of what they think to be smart purchases. I beg to differ,though.

I went to a fashion store recently and their annual year-end sale was on. To say I was apalled at the quality of stuff they were selling there would be an understatement. Most of the dresses looked like they were returns. And the prices had been slashed by as much as 50%....which was unimaginable given the fact that the price tags that usually adorn the dresses there would give your wallet a complex of sorts! So...the story goes like as much as I wanted to make the most of it, I still couldn't get myself to spend even a single penny on the trash they'd displayed there.

It's strange how almsot all of us fall for this tried and tested marketing gimmick. Being the daughter of a ruthless marketing honcho (sorry Dad, but you sure are one!), I have grown up seeing all the mind games these guys play. It's like when there's a special offer on (y'know...the 'get a free coffee mug with every bottle of coffee powder' kind), you know that you still have enough supply of coffee powder to last you a month and you end up buying the large pack that has an expiry date that's way too close for you to even finish the coffee. For what? The coffee mug??? Duh! I claim to be no saint myself. I remember the times when I've pleaded with Mom to buy that family pack of some weird brand of noodles from God-knows-where just to get that bowl with Disney characters on it. It's so easy to fool people (esp. kids) that way. Some promotional campaigns make no sense either ('One free ruled notebook with every 100gm soap'....huh? Where's the connection??) but who cares? As long as there's something free attached to it, it goes right into our trolley. How easy to get those stuff nearing expiry off the shelves,no? I mean, come to think of it, we might not even need those things...heck! we might have never bought it before. But the offer seems so lucrative that you don't want to miss it for the world. The easiest kind is the 'Buy 2,Get 1 free' kind. Even the most sensible shoppers fall for that masterpiece. 'We're buying one anyway...and we're regularly using it too. Might as well buy one more so that we get one free as well'. End result - double the sales in spite of whatever crappy offers they put forth!

It would do humanity a world of good if they realised one simple fact - ' If You're Not Paying for It; You're the Product being sold '

 

Food for thought! :)

New Year Post: 2011...the year that was

Meow to all my purring readers! :)

 

Hope y'all rung in the new year with happiness and good cheer. I had a good new year's eve...had cake and coke...which translates to 'good' :D He he! Wanted to write this post before the end of last year but I was just so caught up with work and other stuff that I really could not find time to fit this one in. My bad!

 

So here's taking a look at the highs and lows of 2011 from the entertainment perspective :P

 

1. The highlight of 2011 was definitely the much publicised and much anticipated arrival of Aishwarya's and Abhishek's little princess. We are all yet to see the (by default) cherubic face of Bollywood's little darling but going by the hype, I guess it's going to be worth the wait! There was much dirty talk about Aishwarya not being able to bring a baby and stuff and then more of her visiting some quack in the far east to have a baby boy. The safely guarded arrival of 'Beti B' hushed all critics and she now graces the home of Bollywood's first family. God bless her and the Bachchans.

 

 

2. The girl-next-door Vidya Balan donned a new avatar of super glamorous south siren the late 'Silk' Smitha in the controversial flick 'The Dirty Picture'. For somebody who was thought of as having too mature/too South-ish a face to act in Bollywood, Vidya has proved that the girls from down under are not to be underestimated. Carrying a film of this caliber on her own shoulders, she was compared to the mighty Khans...the first female actress to be referred to that way.Way to go, Vidya!

 

 

3. A small town govt. employee Sushil Kumar walked away with a whopping Rs.5 crore (how many zeroes does that have again?) on popular reality show 'Kaun Banega Crorepati' hosted by Amitabh Bachchan. The entire nation watched in spellbound shock as the 'Slumdog Millionaire' story unfolded in front of their own eyes...the impoverished underdog who walked away with the jackpot! Unlike many others, Sushil has specific plans for his prize money. It was a well-deserved win...one that will be remembered for posterity.

 

 

4. Many star couples announced their weddings in 2012 (about time,I say!) - Saif Ali Khan & Kareena Kapoor, Riteish Deshmukh & Genelia D'Souza, Prasanna & Sneha, John Abraham & Priya Marwah (?), Soha Ali Khan & Kunal Khemu, Diya Mirza & Director Sahil Sangha....here's wishing them all happiness!

 

     

 

5. Anna Hazare arrived with a bang. Wreaking havoc among the highest order of politicians in India, this frail man has been heralded as a modern day Gandhi. Thanks to his youth-oriented campaigns, undertaking fasts and jail bharo andolans have suddenly become one of the most hip things to do! With the kind of publicity 'Team Anna' is getting, I'm sure even school kids will be knowing something about Lokpal....guess that was the intent anyway! Hmm.....

 

 

 

6. 2011 was probably India's year of ugly scandals and political humiliation. From Niira Radia to Kunhalikutty and from M.K.Kanimozhi to Sharad Pawar, nobody was spared. It was like suddenly India awoke from its slumber and realised that she was being gang-raped! Suddenly everybody rose in arms against corruption and scandalous issues. Better late than never, I'd say.

 

   

 

7. The Mullaperiyar issue...umm...happened. Enough said.

 

 

8. India (and the world on the whole) lost a few gems from its treasure in the cruel game of life. Jagjit Singh, Dev Anand, Mario Miranda, Anant Pai, Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi, Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Taylor...may you grace the heavens above with your presence forever.

 

      

 

9. Weird things gained immense popularity...read Dhanush's 'Kolaveri Di' song or the arrival of a certain Ms.Leone (cough!cough!) on Indian soil or even the rise of humanised nonsense like Santhosh Pandit!!! :-/

 

  

 

10. And the cream of the cake...the victory of the Indian Cricket Team in the ICC World Cup 2011 finals. A thrilling finish to more than two months of speculation and several edge-of-the-seat moments. Dhoni and his boys lifted the dream cup 28 years and 7 World Cup Tournaments later emerging as the first nation to win the coveted Cup on home soil. As we inch towards the first anniversary of the win, the players and the nation are still glowing with pride! Proud to be Indian...Proud to Bleed Blue!!! \m/

 

 

Guess that about sums it all. It's been a happening year and here's hoping 2012 is even more so. We have the London Olympics coming up plus a bevy of Bollywood flicks and big fat Bollywood weddings too. Hoping to see Beti B's pics too. ARR hasn't come up with anything to suit my listening tastes for a while (I'd give 'Rockstar' a miss....not really my type. I don't like so much noise)...hope he comes up with something brilliant soon enough.

 

So here's wishing all of you a wonderful and happening 2012!

 

Cheers! And stay good,y'all!

 

Ciao!

Chikni Chameli?I don't think so....

 

So everybody's raving about Katrina Kaif's 'Chikni Chameli' dance in 'Agneepath'. Saw it the other day on YouTube. True she looks very pretty as usual. But I have come to associate Katrina with oomph and glamour and classy 'sexitude' as I'd like to call it....and this dance is anything but classy, the way I see it. Even her earlier bombshell dance number 'Sheila ki Jawani' (Tees Maar Khan) or even 'Dhunki' (Mere Brother Ki Dulhan) or 'Sexy Lady' (Race) exuded sheer style in every frame.

 

  

Somehow, I feel that she doesn't really fit into this cadre. Just my opinion. It's not how other girls like Bipasha ('Beedi jalailey...') or Koena Mitra ('Dil mein baji guitar...') performed similar songs. They didn't look odd in such an avatar.